MISS WORLD NUDE '96 / Comad / Arcade


Miss World Nude '96 is one of a number of bootleg porno arcade games that seemed to originate out of Hong Kong (the cradle of bootlegging). Anyway, these games were all variants on 1980s arcade hit Qix, but you work to uncover a picture of some naked lady or another (likely used without permission ... I think some of them are fairly well-known Playboy shots). In this endeavor, you will be hindered by everything from a giant spider to what appears to be Sputnik. These enemies fly around the playfield, and if they make contact with you or your "thread" when you launch from the safety of the screen edges, you lose one of your three lives.

There is a further complication, which is the one that makes the game really interesting. There's some bizarre set of rules governing the uncovering of pieces of the picture, and I've never been able to figure them out exactly, but the way in which you move somehow determines if you will gain or lose points for each chunk. If you lose too many points, the naked picture in the background turns into a picture of either Hellraiser, Freddy Krueger, or a hideous assemblage of zombies. If you complete the picture while it is in this "evil" mode, you have to restart the level.

Unique to Miss World Nude '96 is that it gives you a range of ethnicities to ogle. Six continents are represented (for some reason Australia gets the shaft, sorry Aussies) each with women who look relatively like what you might expect to find there. The women are for the most part actually attractive but again, I suspect that is because the pictures are pirated from Playboy or some other similar source (I know I've seen the girl with the arms over her boobs in the screenshot somewhere before ...)

Accompanying the pirated n00dz is what I would guess is pirated music as well, though either through programming ineptitude or legal CYAing, they only play a few seconds of each song before it either stutters and repeats or switches out to something else completely random. This is good for a laugh sometimes, especially when the freaky monster pictures pop up and the game exclaims "EVWYBODY MOVE DAT BODY" over and over again in hilariously inappropriate style.

I just totally don't understand how there was enough of a market to make multiple games with this theme. First of all, I assume that these games were only distributed in China, and possibly other regions that have no intellectual property laws, due to all the ripped-off content. The fact is that the gameplay is boring and mind-numbingly repetitive, so all that leaves you with is the nudie pics. This raises the question, what are you doing going to a crowded arcade to look at porn? Were these games kept in private "peep show" booths for the gentleman patrons to enjoy? Was it all just some big joke to everyone? The mind boggles.

Whatever the case may be, this game is hilariously bad. You might want to take a peep at it just to laugh, but be aware that while they were probably legal in their own countries, some of the Asian models in the game look like they were of questionable age to be legal in the U.S. and other countries with higher ages of consent. Don't get busted for a sex offense for having Miss World Nude '96 on your laptop or something, that would just be embarrasing for everyone involved.
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